It’s been more than a while, let alone a minute, since my last blog post and I profusely apologise for this fact.
Life on life’s terms happened and hugely intervened.
My last blog was on 12 November 2023 and, of course, my crystals ball was broken so it was a big shock when at 4.30am on Monday, 13 November 2023 I was phoned with the news that my Mom had fallen dislocating her new hip (it was the eve of her 6 week post-op check up too!) Another op which at the age of 91½ is no small feat; thankfully she came through the surgery with flying colours as well as so high on all the meds they had given her in theatre.
Mom was gradually recuperating in the frail care unit at her retirement village and we were expecting her to be able to return to her cottage when, one Sunday afternoon we visited her and I immediately noticed a rash on her right leg (the leg with the new prosthesis). She was swiftly back in Sandton Mediclinic, this time with sepsis. At one point we really did not know if she was going to live or die and I was at her bedside for 12 hours a day; for days on end. Her physician and Nick, my eldest brother, credit me for saving her life. Thankfully, she rallied and after not speaking or eating once she had regained consciousness, she steadily improved regaining both her speech and appetite.
A week after being discharged from hospital she was able to join us for Christmas Day for a few hours in our home which was a Christmas Miracle indeed.
Both my brothers decided to flew to South Africa and arrived on 10 and 11 December from the UK and USA. The 3 of us had not been together since my Dad passed away in 2007 and it was great to see them despite the stressful circumstances and uncertainty.
It was wonderful to have their support and assistance; Mom being hospitalised in September, October, November and December took a huge toll on me. While being at Sandton Mediclinic entailing lots of walking, going up and and down stairs, meant my daily steps were easily achieved, and you get to be greeted by the porters, cleaning staff, coffee shop staff, nurses and doctors, and you (I mean me) forget where you have parked your car, I did take immense strain and I am still in recovery. I guess it was not surprising that, while Nick and Chris were here, I developed a bronchial /upper respiratory tract infection, I felt absolutely revolting, so I did not darken the wards of Sandon Mediclinic for 2 days. I barely managed to work and if I had been able to summons the strength to drive to the hospital, I would have crept into a vacant bed in a quiet ward and just stayed there.
Thankfully, I quickly recovered and rallied though I was doing my very best frog croaking impression for quite a long time afterwards.
Whilst Mom was recovering in hospital, my brothers and I used the opportunity to do some much needed sorting out, clearing and cleaning out of Mom’s cottage and got it ready for her discharge and return home. I was sad that they could not stay for Christmas with her, but of course was powerless over their choices and plans.
I am grateful that we had the opportunity to have a “Christmas lunch” with them on Sunday, 17 December 2023 with Morgan and Alyssa, Tristan and Bruce, who is the adopted member of the family (he is Tristan's friend, colleague, housemate and training buddy in the gym). We had planned the lunch which Mom should have been in attendance but since I am incapable of predicting the future, and she was of course still in hospital so could not join us but Nick and Chris could. Saziso, our trusty housekeeper and Mom’s carer when Thembi (her fulltime carer is enjoying her much needed break), kept Mom company while we were enjoying delicious Greek food and making great memories.
From left to right - Chris, Johan, me, Alyssa, Morgan, Tristan and Nick
A proud Mama bear flanked by her 2 gorgeous sons
An afternoon at Africology Spa at the Maslow Hotel, Sandton using my incredible very generous birthday gift from the family was absolutely fabulous; Nick spent the afternoon sitting with our Mom while I was being pummeled, massaged and pampered ( I kept falling asleep, it was so lovely!). It was the ultimate treat and the timing was perfection personified.
Two afternoons before Christmas I indulged in more pampering courtesy of another birthday voucher from Roxy, this time a facial and pedicure at the Life Fourways Spa. A perfect way to mark finishing work for 2023 and, yes, once again, I fell asleep.
Morgan and Alyssa had an amazing holiday in Coffee Bay and Hogsback despite the inclement weather. When they were in Hogsback enjoying the wonders of that magical hamlet I suffered serious “fomo” as it is one of my ultimate favourite places in the world, most probably because two very special people (my unofficially adopted brothers) Peter and Wouter live there. They are “The Edge” and I strongly felt the yearning to be there, soaking up the restorative ambience of Hogsback and enjoying the company of Peter and Wouter. Oh well, one day …..
Alyssa and Morgan at the Wild Coast
It felt like we blinked and 2023 was over; with wonderful memories of Christmas, reunions, making memories and a little down time for me, which also saw me doing some much needed decluttering in our home, because I clearly had not had enough of that from Mom's cottage! (Johan had to work as did Tristan and Bruce).
Every year Christmas Day is that much more special as Tristan celebrates his milestone of sobriety and clean time on 25 December. Christmas 2023 was his 4 year milestone and I always take a moment to reflect, acknowledging how far Tristan has journeyed on his road of recovery, the daily hard work he does on his recovery and being so eternally grateful that we are able to be together to celebrate him and his sobriety and clean time 4 year milestone. To be with my Mom, Tristan, Bruce, Johan, Zen, Mel and Libby celebrating not only Christmas but Tristan's milestone was so incredibly special - a far cry from Christmas Day 2019, the day Tristan again started his recovery journey and, in Rome, Johan and I, emotionally battered and bruised, and exhausted from far too many hours of not knowing where Tristan was once we were told he had escaped from rehab.
While Christmas Day did not go according to the plan in my head (invisible and unknown to everyone else), it was a day overflowing with love, laughter, celebrating life as well as companionship and really delicious food. Johan and I were so privileged that evening to attend a meeting where Tristan share his story from active addiction to recovery.
And so to 2024 and the year of January...... 2024 was in its infancy, Morgan and Alyssa, thankfully, were safely home and I had, after much debate, intense thought and a session with my spiritual guide, made a huge decision to ensure a positive change in my life, not only for me, but my mental health and my family. If I had any doubt about this decision, we were rapidly reminded how life changes in a heartbeat - from a really tough health diagnosis for a friend to 2 friends losing their partners in very tragic circumstances, leaving lives shattered, hearts broken and 4 gorgeous little people without their beloved Daddies. (And always remembering the brutal awful wars still raging and the impact of those daily imploding the lives of infinite people and families).
This is a year of big changes and milestones. Speaking to a number of friends, the need for change, in one form or another, is a common goal.
Some changes have been unexpected and heartbreaking, while other deviations are purposeful.
Tristan celebrated his 30th birthday on 10 January - how did that happen? One minute he is a gorgeous happy, chuckling chubby baby and then he is this tall, gorgeous hulk of a human being (and Tristan if you are reading this, you know its a rule that your Mom has to embarrass you no matter your age!) We had a fun supper with Tristan and Bruce the night before his birthday; and we celebrated with Morgan and Alyssa, Tristan and Bruce on a Saturday with an early dinner at Corner Cafe followed by watching the phenomenal production, Urban Circus, directed by the very talented Daniel Buckland, whom I have been privileged to watch grow up and develop into this creative and very talented actor and director. We had not seen Daniel for about 15 years or more and that was very special; along with being together to celebrate Tristan's birthday as we did - Skye's absence, because of her time in the UK, is very sorely felt when we are all together. We cannot wait to see Daniel's new contribution to the world of entertainment and I am looking forward to seeing him for a much needed, long overdue catch up in the not too distant future.
Morgan, Tristan, me, Daniel and Johan
Morgan, Alyssa, Tristan, me, Johan and Bruce
Adjusting and adapting to the highs and lows of the year known as January and plotting my future, my Mom and I received the incredibly sad news that someone very close to us had lost her courageous and arduous battle with breast cancer. Nina was 42 years young, with a gorgeous little boy who started Grade 2 and after coping with chemo, shaving her head bald and leading a truly exemplary life fighting stage 1 breast cancer, sadly the cancer returned with a vengeance, stage 3 and in her spine. She endured two gruelling long spinal operations and more pain and torture than a person should be forced to deal with. My Mom taught with Nina's Mom, other Jill, way back in the 'dark ages' when I was starting high school. Jill's first baby was born very prem and as I babysat to earn extra pocket money, I babysat baby Stephen and had the privilege of wtaching him grow up; Nina made an early appearance into the world too - so tiny and so adorable. It was an honour for me to be the first person to see, and hold her once Jill and Nina were home from hospital and again witness her growing up into this adorable laughing happy blonde little girl. In her toddler years she loved that I always had perfume and lipstick in my handbag and those would come out and be applied with much glee and giggles. Both children adored my Dad and Stephen would call him "Hugh Helm" his full name, Nina had not mastered her aitches so she, copying her big brother, would say "Ooooh Elm" - I can still hear her little voice saying my Dad's name like that. My Mom was invited to Nina's baby shower and of course we visited her and her baby son before my Mom made the move from Cape Town to Jo'burg. I was pleased to be able to settle her baby boy and get him to sleep - I was chuffed I had not lost the knack. Up until my Mom's constant in and out of hospital last year, Jill phoned my Mom once a week and I followed Nina's brave account of her battle with cancer on her Instagram and Facebook profiles. On Instagram its under 'faith_love and healing". Nina was truly beautiful, inside and out. She was the epitome of grace, humility, courage, love and devotion. She and her beloved husband have a Christian faith and Nina's diagnosis strengthened their belief; for some people a terminal health diagnosis, the loss of a child, retrenchment, to name but a few have, I have witnessed, caused people to lose their faith but not so for Nina and her family. She was called to a higher realm, to end her pain and suffering on 24 January 2024 at 4am surrounded by her loving husband and was still holding the hand of her big brother when her suffering ended and she quietly left the world. Nina left a legacy of love, joy, devotion and will be remembered for her incredible and indomitable spirit.
Nina's courage, her sense of never giving up and living life to the fullest she could, even all the cancer odds were stacked against her, buoy me up in my resolve for my future. If I ever had a moment of wavering doubt about my decision (yes, yes I am getting to it), the January reminders of the fragility and brevity of life, dispelled those wobbles and that is why I have resigned from my job and will be leaping into the abyss on leap day, 29 February 2024 (which is also my Aunt Barbara's 90th birthday).
I had resigned on 10 January (Tristan's birthday) but the news was only announced at our monthly team meeting on 7 February 2024.
I have never taken a leap like this resigning without another job to go to because as a single parent I always had to ensure some semblance of financial stability for Morgan and Tristan. They are now adults, financially independent and before I start collecting my old age pension, I need to do something more intellectually stimulating, with a purpose so I can be purposeful, giving me time to write, exercise (for the last year or more that has just been a word), resume my Italian lessons with a tutor, maybe study and, of course, travel. While I have applied for some jobs, there have been no bites and in the last week at least 3 people have asked me if I am going to work for myself and while I was still contemplating making this big move, the idea of working for myself appeared as a proverbial "lightbulb" moment. I am not thinking too much about all of this as it is really one day at a time, I am working so hard as I have so much work and want to ensure everything is as "shipshape" and organise as possible with detailed handover notes for my successor. I am hoping to take time out in March for me as I need this so desperately and will devote a lot of March to planning and plotting the future, travel for 2024 and more! Keep those eyes peeled.....
Lastly, as this is an essay, 2 weeks ago on a Saturday morning I signed my life away and Johan and I drove out of Mahindra in Bryanston in a silver demo model Mahindra XUV300. After many years of driving rentals which came with a whole set of breakdown and other headaches (I could write a novella of all the stories) and asking for an upgrade (stipulating I needed a car with easier access for my Mom, a boot big enough to fit her walker into without me having to become a contortionist to manipulate the walker to fit into the boot), and adamant that it must not breakdown as I cannot risk a breakdown with my soon to be 92 Mom in the car, I was offered a smaller Mahindra with a small boot for R200 less than I am now going to be paying for my car. It made the most sense to us and it is so wonderful to drive a peaceful car which does not literally shake, rattle but thankfully did not roll, and does not look rather suspect with various dents and dings (the business buys cars which have been in accidents etc and are on auction and never fix the bodywork on the cars). It was an experience, the cars I drove (and there were quite a lot) got me from A to B as well as C to D; and make me infinitely more grateful for my new car whom I have christened Dolci (Italian for sweet - you knew it would have an Italian name, right?)
Just like Dolci here, I kept the news under wraps - not quite believing it until it did happen!
George was a brilliant salesperson and pulled out all the stops - not seen in the picture is the carpet in front of the car with the word "Congratulations" printed on it
At home in the carport
Next blog will be my weekly commentary on life, the madness in the world, what I have been reading, listening to, watching and I will have news about the Chinese Cultural New Year which we are attending tomorrow at the Bronkhorst Temple.
With love, light, blessings and eternal gratitude
Till next time!
Ciao!