'Tis past Christmas and we are hurtling towards the end of 2022; and finally I have the time to attempt to catch up on my blog posts. December is traditionally a busy month as for some people the work starts receding but for others the work pressure constantly increases; people are preparing for holidays, there are end of year functions, shopping sprees, birthdays, connecting and reconnecting with friends, funerals, gatherings all the while coping with the longest period of loadshedding South Africa has, to date, experienced.
Some are enjoying European adventures, or local holidays either at the coast, in the bush and/or mountains while others are working throughout without taking any leave - I did take 1 day's leave which was today (Wednesday, 28 December) and I am dreading the return to my desk at home tomorrow and the resumption of running backwards on the hamster wheel of work. Johan is on standby; one phone call from a client in an entire day warrants the standby status and Tristan and Skye are working through as it is traditionally a busy time for treatment centres. As it was Johan's turn to be on standby it felt prudent for me to continue working and to save our leave for hopefully an European holiday either for my birthday in October 2023 or now I am leaning, like the proverbial Leaning Tower of Pisa, to planning another Italy-in-December vacation - time will tell and, fear not all will be revealed in due course.
The festive season always bring memories of those loved ones who are remembered by the empty chair at the table; the people who feel lonely during the holidays; the people who struggle to afford any form of holiday celebration; the people who are spending the holidays with people who are not supportive, loving, caring, nurturing or understanding and sadly more of the same. Around the world as the Christmas weekend started unspeakable tragedies were occurring from a beautiful young woman being accidentally shot dead in a pub in the UK, to all those who sadly lost their lives in the huge winter storm which dumped on so many parts of the USA, in particular, Buffalo, upstate New York (another beautiful young woman was stranded driving home from work in a sudden white-out and emergency workers found her lifeless body too late), and in Boksburg a dreadful accident resulting in the explosion of a gas tanker, the death count is now at 18 - one Mother is enduring the senseless deaths of 4 of her 7 children (please never stop to rubber-neck, gawk, gape, look and/or take photos or videos of an accident as you never know what will happen - in this instance the gas tanker exploding).
Having both my Grannies dying either side of Christmas in 1976 and 1982 respectively, both times when I was living in the UK and USA respectively with my parents, the season of goodwill, joy, love, birth and giving always sparks those memories of my Nana Welch and Granny Helm (and how sad that because of our geographical locations at the time of their deaths, neither my Mom nor my Dad could attend the funeral of their sole surviving parent). And of course I always remember my beloved friends mourning the very real absence of their loved ones (parents, partners, spouses and/or children) at this time. How incredibly privileged I am to be able to create experiences and memories with my family celebrating Christmas (which is my opinion and a reminder that all my thoughts, feelings, observations, commentary etc published ono this blog site are all very much my own)
Every Christmas since 25 December 2019 has an extra special significance as this is the date of Tristan's sobriety and clean time. Its the reason for heightened emotions and feelings every Christmas which is natural and how it should be. And if I have shared this story with you already, please bear with me - in our garden we have an indigenous Aeruginosa abyssinica or Lucky bean tree growing. Saturday evening, which was a mild and fair evening as the sun was starting to set, I took a stroll around our garden while also throwing the ball to Cinnamon for her to catch and drop (never at my feet of course!) I noticed on our lucky bean tree a seed pod and the emergence of a red lucky bean. This vision took my breath away while bringing tears to my eyes.
On 1 December 2019, I retrieved this tree from Tristan’s old house. He will remember (or may not) that he did not want me to take it; saying it was dead and a waste of time; my wanting to remove the tree resulted in even more yelling at me by him but I persisted, struggling and finally getting the tree into my small time (all the while being screamed and shouted at by Tristan) I don't know why but I was determined to not leave that, as yet unplanted, tree on the rented property Tristan was in the process of vacating. The tree was planted in our garden and now on the eve of Christmas Day, on Christmas Eve 2022, on the eve of Tristan’s 3 year milestone, I discovered that the lucky bean tree had its very first lucky bean. Against the odds this tree was revived, sustained, grew and has borne new life – I found it and still find it very symbolic and poignant, just like Tristan has sustained, revived, renewed and is still growing and recovering so is our lucky bean tree and thinking back there was a lucky bean tree near Morgan's 7 Sins hair studio and 3 years ago when I would be walking on the pavement I would pick up the lucky beans from the pavement - I would put them in my wallet and there they stayed. Did I believe they would bring me luck? No but the cheery red bean like seeds ignited a spark of hope in me as well as invoking childhood memories of the lucky bean tree we had growing on the pavement outside our childhood home. Lucky bean trees will now always hold a very special place in m heart and thoughts and I am hopeful of seeing more lucky beans on our very own lucky bean tree.
Tristan post our family Christmas lunch with the symbolic balloon we got him to commemorate and celebrate his 3 year sobriety and clean time milestone
Morgan and Alyssa hosted us to brunch on Christmas Eve - it was an opportunity to meet Alyssa's bio Dad and I was clearly talking too much so I did not take enough photos of the delicious food prepared for us - sourdough bread, oat flapjacks, cinnamon flavoured yoghurt, maple syrup, raspberries, mulberries and strawberries together with a onion frittata type dish with diced bacon on the side. Delicious food, entertaining company and interesting conversations, Johan the Magic Magician Man performing brilliant new card tricks and lots of sweet treat spoils by Morgan and Alyssa. Tristan had to work but did join us after work which was awesome - my Mom opted out as she did join us the following Christmas day.
Christmas morning dawned sunny and clear. We headed to Delta Park in Johannesburg along with Jack, Cinnamon and Elmo who were very excited to be going in the car as well as going to the park - it must be Christmas!! We sat under the shade of the spreading fragrant pine trees forming part of an alfresco circle of a recovery support meeting where Tristan shared his recovery journey story. Morgan, Alyssa and Titan were also there and it was naturally very emotional wonderful and made our hearts burst with pride to listen to Tristan recounting his recovery journey in recognition of his 3 year milestone. My memory kept reminding me of how he had escaped from rehab on Christmas Eve in 2019 while Johan and I were enjoying exploring the incredible ruins at Ostia Antica, Italy and how the sunshine of that gorgeous day was leeched from the sky with the news of Tristan's escape. Thankfully after a sleepless night where I endured so much upset, anxiety, terror and horror, not knowing where Tristan was or whether he was still alive, thank goodness Morgan found Tristan and hauled him back to rehab (this will all be recounted in detail in a project which will see the light of day in January 2023).
The restaurant, La Fattoria was our venue for Christmas Day lunch - it was a set menu (complete with spelling mistakes) and, despite the spelling error, sounded delicious and since it had been the venue for my birthday lunch in October we keenly opted for this restaurant once again The company was brilliant - my Mom, Morgan and Alyssa, Tristan and Skye, Bronwyn with her parents Maria and Craig, Johan and me; the food was generally first-class but the service was appalling and what was galling was the service fee built into the price. Two waiters for approximately 100 covers on Christmas Day is neither not fair on the waitrons or the patrons. Lack of leadership and organisation was very disappointing and I doubt we will be returning there anytime soon. Despite the heat and waiting for over 40 minutes for a cooldrink and having to ask repeatedly for it, we had lots of fun, beautiful crackers generously provided by Bronwyn, Johan's card trick was entertaining and a great time had by all. We went round the table voicing our gratitude - I started this tradition in Christmas 2020 when we went around the table doing "rose and thorn"; everyone voicing what was their rose and thorn of the year and covid-19 as not allowed as either a rose or a thorn. It is good amongst all the decadence, over-indulgence and festivities to take a breathe to reflect and give appreciation and acknowledgment. My gratitude was that the "ghosts of Christmas past" have been laid and I am no longer lonely, missing my family, feeling excluded and/or neglected (and I purposefully omitted, abused on Christmas day) - none of these are rafts I cling to but I mentioned them to acknowledge and appreciate how the present is thankfully so much better than the past. Sometimes people feel if you talk about the past and your experiences you are clinging onto these as a talisman, a raft or anchor but to talk about the past does not mean that you are clutching hold of it, it can be - as in my case - that you acknowledge that was then and this is now; giving analogies to lessons learnt from the past. What I have endured means I make more of an effort now, never wanting anyone to feel excluded, rejected, dejected let alone neglected. Through the pain and hurt of the ghosts of the past we can grow through it and continue working on being the very best version of ourselves that we can be!
Grilled chourico
Halloumi
Squid heads
Arancini al porcini
Beef ravioli
Seafood platter for 1
Sicilian cannoli
Tiramisu
Creme brulee
A memorable and special Christmas celebrated with my family, friends who are like family and our extended family - such a privilege. All I was capable of doing was spending Christmas night in a bloated sated stupor watching "Emily in Paris" on Netflix.
Boxing Day / Day of Goodwill was a clean slate day - lots of leisure time with some housework thrown in and an unexpected counselling session in the late afternoon which left me drained, depleted and very triggered. I could not be at home, the need to be out and about in the beautiful evening was intense so we went to Melrose Arch to take a leisurely stroll looking at the lights, enjoying pizzas at Piza e Vino and sadly not being able to enjoy a gelato at "Two Guys from Rome" as it is now "La Cremosa" and the queue was way too long. ditto at the trendy ice cream/yoghurt places which have sprung up there. We returned home in time for loadshedding and I was calmer and more relaxed than I had been. And hopefully my message, words of counselling, advice, together with pulling-no-punches and being brutally honest, hit home and the days of drunken abuse while neglecting and/or abusing his partner and not providing for his beautiful baby girl will be over. I cling to that hope.
My Mom and I enjoyed an outing to the Garden Shop yesterday which was also a national holiday in South Africa. We enjoyed a light bite to eat there before buying some plants and edging for her beautiful small garden. It was good to spend some time with her and as I left 2 of her friends arrived for tea; life for my Mom in her retirement village is anything but dull and dreary! For me at home it was more housework, laundry, reading and intending to write this blog but not making any progress but here I finally am.
Today was my last day of freedom for 2022 and I was a bit sad and lonely today; would have loved the opportunity to spend time socialising with friends outdoors but it was not meant to be so I ended up going to have a wash and blow-dry at Roxy's salon, buying groceries and collecting a parcel at Postnet - does not really count but cannot be helped. I hope I managed to tamper down the blackness and despair which does threaten to engulf and overpower me at times - likely because tomorrow is "I owe I owe its back to work I go!"
Enough of all that selfish introspection and pity party - highlights of December pre Christmas have been:
coffee and cake at Just Teddy, Sandton Square with my boss, team members and some colleagues from Lins (litigation insurance) - its all about appearance at this establishment from the rather kitsch (my opinion!) teacup and teapot to the gold cutlery; the complete over-pricing of every item; it was an experience none which I am going to rush to repeat
Roxy's birthday celebrations which we attended for a short while as we were expecting friends for mocktails and charcuterie that Friday evening (thank goodness this was another national holiday, being 16th December 2022)
Johan, Roxy and me - Roxy has been Morgan and Tristan's "big sister" for more than 10 years ever since Morgan started working with Roxy at GHD in Morningside and Bryanston all those years ago.
Mocktails and charcuterie were enjoyed by Maure, Riaan, Johan and me on our patio on the Friday evening. Johan prepare a delicious and so refreshing mocktail sangria with orange juice, cranberry juice, soda, fruit and ice - there was none left. We played UNO Flip! which is UNO on steroids and so much fun; we had a hilarious and memorable evening with this lovely couple.
What have I been reading, listening to and watching:
Reading:
The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman - the book is taking longer than I thought it would not taking into account loadshedding and the rather slow pace of the book but I plan to finish it before 1 January 2023 dawns!
Listening to (Podcasts and Audible)
Happy Days by Gabrielle Bernstein (Audible)
Podcasts:
The Daily
The Damage Report
No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen
The James Brown Mystery
Devil Town
The Con Queen
Scamfluencers
The Emerald Triangle (very similar to Murder Mountain on Netflix)
Proof
TV and Netflix:
Pointless
Bargain Hunt
Celebrity Antiques Road Show (just love these British antique bargain hunting type shows)
Vardy v Rooney
Three Pines
Emily in Paris
and all my usual bubblegum reality tv mindless gumpf
I am not making resolutions for 2023 but rather goals - have you thought about your goals for the new year? I cannot believe that a brand new clean slate year is about to dawn - well in some hours but who is counting? We can only hope that it will bring some stability to our electricity grid (the major power stations are all being guarded by the army as there is definite ongoing sabotage by well-orchestrated and planned syndicates who seem to be holding Eskom in a state of siege); some peace to all - particularly in war torn countries; improved health, healthcare and facilities for all and may there be more tolerance, acceptance, peace, light and love shown to all mankind and animals in the new year to come.
