So who noticed that I was M.I.A from my weekly blog posts? Its ok your confession is safe and sacred to me; I have also noticed that nobody was messaging me to ask me where my blog posts were ……and that is perfectly fine too! Of course, I am joking and teasing!
Life is crazy, the planets seem to be having their own party in the solar system and causing havoc among the mere mortals on planet Earth. And in South Africa add into the mix the relentless yet constantly changing loadshedding which is stressful as you have to navigate and plan your life, work, food preparation, laundry and more around the loadshedding schedule.
I have been dealing with an uninvited pesky squatter who I have been battling to evict – enter the stray scruffy black mongrel who nips my ankles, plunging its sharp teeth and talons in my ankles and holding on with some superpower superhuman (supercanine) strength. The stray scruffy black mongrel squatter is also known as Depression.
I know I am not alone in dealing with Depression; it’s an up and down process for me and I had a very even keel time before being plunged into the Big Hole (of Depression, not the Groot Gat in Kimberley). I have been back on medication for 6 months and it was working – there were no black mongrel squatters biting into my ankles and holding on with a vice like grip, I thought I was coping with the relentless pressure and demands of work, my mood felt more like a gentle wave and despite my dental torture ordeal and the abscess with its toxins invading my body, I was really in a good, happy, calm and stable space.
So, the visit by Depression knocked me sideways and was trying to drag me down into that hole again; I was screaming, kicking, lashing out and fighting with every fibre of my being and it did not win – it got me down but not plummeting to the depts of despair. I did “shut down” a bit - hence the deafening silence of no blog posts alerts popping into your inbox – but through the sheer fight and work forcing me to work 11 hour days I clawed and crawled my way back to my “normality”.
While typing this the lyrics of “I Guess that’s why they call it the Blues” by Elton John aptly pops into my head:
‘… Don't wish it away Don't look at it like it's forever Between you and me I can honestly say That things will only get better
… And while I'm away Dust out the demons inside And it won't be long before you and me run To the place in our hearts where we hide …”
And things will only get better and they certainly are heading in that direction.
I am also working through past traumas pulling them out of an internal box previously locked, examining them, reliving them and confronting them AND of course I had a birthday which for me is always a time of retrospection and looking at my dreams and goals, what I have accomplished, failed to achieve between last birthday and this one and I hit another all-time low not long after my birthday with the reality that I have not managed to achieve certain goals and dreams between 4 October 2021 and 4 October 2022. This means I have to continue being PATIENT and adopting that as a companion (not an ankle biting squatter) – easier said than done of course.
Everyone is battling in some form or another and I am certainly not embarking on a Pity Party; I am being authentic and owning my story and acknowledging that I am aware that everyone is battling with personal losses, tragedies, stresses, disappointments no matter where they are in the world – that is a great leveller and reminder, and my cue to really adopt some of the Co-Anon slogs eg “One day at a time”, “Progess not Perfection”, “Easy Does it” and my personal favourite (though I am so bad at actually DOING this) “Let Go and Let God”.
Apart from struggles with the very unwanted and unloved Depression, it’s been a busy time with work (stuck record), navigating life around loadshedding, soaring food prices and reminding myself to not be too hard on myself and all the flotsam and jetsam of life.
In our corner of our complex, two of our neighbours moved out of their units and yet sadly The Trash has still not taken herself out. Dealing with her noise pollution, disregard and disrespect for anyone else continues and we had to lodge another complaint. Our incredible landlord is supportive, thank goodness and we saw a lot of him this last week as the recurring mysterious leak from our shower was finally identified and dealt with – this meant dust, noise from the angle grinder, more dust, dirt and no shower until today. It is all resolved (can I get a “Hallelujah”!?) and we are so grateful to our landlord for being hands on and getting the upkeep and maintenance of our unit attended to – it was worth having to resorted to bathing in the bath in our second bathroom which is designed for an anorexic midget and coping with pathetic water pressure in my Mom’s shower yesterday.
This last week saw the calendar flip over so I am now 58 years old – and to know me is to know that I love celebrating my birthday. After all we have to celebrate every annual trot we get to do around the sun, the moon and the stars. I love making a fuss out of EVERYONE’s birthdays not only mine. This stems from having second hand presents in various birthdays growing up and my birthday being forgotten (by my parents, not once but twice but who’s counting ha ha ha ) until the day after The Event. I always tried hard to make each birthday for Morgan and Tristan as special as them and sometimes I had to “owe” them birthday presents but I did endeavour to ensure they had fun, memorable and special birthdays.
It's a standing joke in our family that for a few birthdays and Christmases my presents from my Mom consisted of boxes of Earl Grey TEA bags and/or socks. As much as I love tea, I really did not appreciate receiving tea bags for either my birthday or Christmas. Johan nearly got his marching orders when for my birthday in 2008 (the first time we were together for my birthday) I opened my birthday present from him to reveal a box of Five Roses teabags perfectly sealed. I opened the box very begrudgingly – I was NOT impressed – encountering a packet of teabags in the box and he had to urge me to lift the packet, below that was a bottle of perfume (he had opened the box from the bottom and sealed the box again with glue). It was an ingenious way of presenting the perfume to me, but it was a close call – those years of tea bag and sock gifts have left an internal scar of heartache and hurt.
On Sunday, 2 October we had a lovely pre-birthday celebration with family and friends at La Fattoria a delightful Italian (naturally!) restaurant. Antipasto, focaccias, salad, pasta, fish, cannoli, Italian kisses and affogato were the order of the afternoon washed down with prosecco, cooldrinks and lots of water as it was so hot! There was so much conversation, laughs, magic card tricks and a whole lot of fun was had by all – it was a truly brilliant way to start celebrating my birthday. Huge thanks for all the spoils, birthday love and the pre-birthday lunch décor organized by Morgan, Tristan, Alyssa and Skye (including my birthday girl sash) and someone orchestrated the ice cream, chocolate sauce sparkler and singing of Happy Birthday to me!!
My actual birthday is 4 October which is the Feast Day of St Francis of Assisi (I only found this out on Tuesday morning from one of the very many Italian pages I follow on social media) Assisi is definitely on our list of places to visit and explore “Next Time in Italy” – from my teens, my ultimate favourite prayer has been this one of St Francis:
In honour of my birthday Johan and I both took a day’s leave from work and it was a great decision as my phone did not stop once I eventually turned it on after a late lie-in. We had an awesome lunch at Lambrusco’s, another Italian restaurant (of course!), this time in Northcliff – another gem of a restaurant found. We shared what is easily, in our opinion, the premiers of pizzas in Jo’burg and a caprese salad; but had our own separate dolci (desserts) which were also sublime – we did of course sample each other’s. Johan opted for homemade cassata (Italian layered ice cream dessert) and since I am always a sucker for anything and everything meringue, ice cream and black cherries.
Tristan joined us for a light supper in the candlelight on the patio followed by Skye once she had finished work; we enjoyed a slice of delicious carrot cake from our favourite very evil shop, Not Bread Alone and once they left to go home after they had a long day, Johan and I had a relaxing evening. (Sadly neither Morgan nor Alyssa were able to join us). My birthday evening was completed by voice notes from Graunt from the USA, a birthday e-mail from his husband, Jordan and a wonderful face time call from Paulo from Madeira – a truly brilliant birthday; and an excellent way to start my 58th marathon on this planet.
My birthday celebrations continued at the office on Wednesday morning – breakfast with Bev, donuts from me for all those in our department who were at the office, coffee and cake with Tammy and lunch with Angie on Thursday and this morning coffee, brunch, card tricks and lots of amazing conversations with Maure and Riaan.
I was thoroughly spoilt for my birthday and overwhelmed by all the love from around the globe, my life is so enriched and enhanced by all the very special people who are part of our extended family – I am truly blessed, so privileged and eternally grateful.
My birthday and birthday celebrations were all the highlight of this past week; along with spending time with my Mom on Saturday morning taking her to enjoy the beautiful delights of a garden which opened to be on show in order to raise money for Child Welfare.It was an unique opportunity and I delighted in seeing so many stunning flora and fauna despite me not knowing about 90% of the names of the plants and trees.
What am I reading?
I have finished "Mad Bad Love" by Sara Jayne Makwala King - harrowing, heartwrenching, triggering and so impactful (thanks Zen for the loan of this incredible read)
Now reading "To Venice with Love" by Philip Gwynne Jones
What am I listening to?
A beautiful mind by Hunter Biden on Audible
Podcasts:
Crime Stories with Nancy Grace
Internal Affairs
The Daily
Damage Report
The Bittersweet Life
The Tylenol Murders
Good Kult
Hoaxed (a must listen to - how the lies of two young children exploded into global conspiracy theories; and yes they are lies as the children do recant their lies which their mother's boyfriend made them tell to the police)
No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen
Netflix, downloads and more on my laptop screen:
Chesaspeake Shores (Netflix)
The Luckiest Girl Alive (excellent movie)
My usual bubblegum tv
Pointless
Bloodlands
Chicago Med, Law & Order and all the amazing Dick Wolf productions
Joanna Lumley's Greatest Cities of the World - Rome
I am on a 478 days streak on Duolingo; I completed the October challenge and am now learning all about "tempo" (time") and "miese" (months). I am taking a break from my weekly lessons with Giancarlo - they will resume in November.
And that's a wrap for my funny old weeks - normal weekly blog service resumes!
