Another fortnight of experiencing life and winter : 5 June to 19 June 2023
The winter solstice is Wednesday, 21 June, marking the fact that we are halfway through winter which is something that, for me, is a positive. We are blessed with beautiful sunshine days despite the cold frosty mornings and nights (we had a braai / barbeque yesterday and Tristan was in shorts and Johan changed into shorts as he was overheating in his jeans) and grateful we have not been subjected to the rain, icy temperatures and floods which have been occurring in Cape Town. I am NOT a fan of the limited hours of daylight during the winter months even though I have experienced winter in the United Kingdom and the United States of America where the days are even more limited and darkness is much longer. And while we were in Rome, Italy in December 2019 in winter we were not aware of daylight being rapidly seeping from the day so it felt that the hours of winter daylight were not in as short supply as in the winter months of the UK and USA.
Since my last blog, loadshedding continues, Morgan has been to Dublin, Ireland and returned, and Johannesburg experienced an earthquake / tremor of 5.0 magnitude on the Richter scale. Earthquakes and tremors are not something which occur regularly or at all so of course this was the topic of the day on 11 June 2023 mostly whether or not people had slept through it or not! Johan and Tristan fit into the "slept through it" category; I thought I was dreaming with that the walls and windows were shaking and rattling; and our old man Jack woke up and was scratching at the walls before the tremor started and other dogs started barking before the tremor commenced as did the hadedas who were greatly perturbed at the onset of this natural disaster. Our housekeeper was woken up by Jack's scratching (he was sleeping in her room) and when she mentioned it to me in the morning I realised that my dream was not a dream but was actually the earthquake happening at 2.40am. This article makes interesting reading: https://mg.co.za/environment/2023-06-19-explainer-earthquakes-in-south-africa/
Before Morgan went jetting off to Dublin via Amsterdam and returning via Paris, Titan (his dog) came to stay with us, taking our canine occupancy in our house from 3 to 4. As Jack in his senior years was battling arthritis, he was transferred to Saziso's room for peace and quiet especially as Titan was very worried about Jack and while trying to be protective of him, actually just annoyed Jack (this also happened when Isis was on her palliative treatment for her cancerous tumour so we wondered whether Titan could pick up a particular scent from both Isis and Jack indicating that they were not 100% healthy. It certainly kept us on our toes navigating and managing the canine quartet; and ensuring life was definitely not dull and boring!
On Saturday 10 June 2023 I left Johan to caretake the canine quartet while I enjoyed breakfast and a long overdue catch up with Mel, Mia and Lesley-Ann. We were colleagues many years ago from when I staretd working at the same company way back in December 2008 and have remained friends ever since. It was wonderful to reunite with them again, the first time this year, hopefully not the last.
Mel, me, Lesley-Ann and Mia
That evening I once again abandoned Johan and the canine quartet and headed off to the Pieter Toerien theatre at Montecasino where I met up with Zen who had generously bought us tickets to see "Firefly" written and performed by Andrew Buckland and Sylvaine Strike. It was very evocative, beautiful, mesmerising and as it ended I felt my nose prickle and my throat close with emotion, the tears were there threatening to spill but they did not. I had worked with Andrew for a number of years while I was the administrator of the drama department at Rhodes University and am privileged to have enjoyed many decades of friendship with him and his wife, Janet. Andrew is a theatrical genius and performer and Sylvaine who I had never seen perform before was phenomenal. What a theatrical experience and treat!
Johan and I took leave on Thursday, 15 June so we could enjoy a long weekend as Friday, 16 June was a national holiday "Youth Day", the day South Africa remembers the dreadful atrocities of the Soweto Uprising. Jack's health had declined and as he had been vomiting and not eating or drinking we took him to the vet. After the results of blood tests revealed that his kidneys were failing and he had a huge gastroenteritis infection which could be treated with no guarantee the success of the treatment, we made the very difficult but most humane decision to release him from his suffering so he could run free, wild and pain-free over the rainbow bridge. We were allowed to be with him as he gently slipped from consciousness to eternal rest and our vet was incredibly gentle, caring, compassionate and empathetic. Thank goodness neither of us were working that day and did not have to try to "put a brave face on". It was very emotional for us - I clearly remember taking Tristan to the SPCA to look for a kitten and finding Jack as a tiny puppy waiting for someone to give him a forever home which we did. I fetched Jack when we were allowed to take him to his forever home and for some many months he went everywhere with me in the car when there was nobody at home to look after him. He would have been 16 ordinary "human" years in July so well over 100 dog years and his quality of life was compromised by his arthritis and declining health. He was a dog of so much stamina and fight; he blessed our lives at a time when we were mourning the loss of my Dad / Grandpa to Morgan and Tristan in March 2007 and recovering from the abuses and atrocities of my second marriage, the one I like to have very selected amnesia about.
Jack - 15 June 2023
Jack - March 2008
Jack and Mystic, who we also adopted from the SPCA for Morgan -
sadly Mystic was killed by a hit and run driver in 2010
Thursday afternoon we were reunited with Morgan and treated to a haircut for Johan and new colour for me; hair pampering is always therapeutic as are hugs and time with my children. Titan was still with us so the quarter was now reduced to a trio and as Morgan fetched Titan on Friday afternoon and was reunited with him the trio become a duo.
On Friday I collected my Mom and took her to Cresta shopping mall as she wanted to do some shopping there and we had a planned coffee and catch up with Louise and Chantal, who are 2 of the 3 daughters of Pat who was friends with Mom for more than 60 years - Pat and my Mom become friends before neither Chantal or I were even thought about! Pat died some years ago and Chantal saw Mom in January of this year; she and Louise are very good at keeping in contact with my Mom. We enjoyed coffee and so much conversation and after having arrived shortly after 10am at the Woolies Cafe I was shocked when I checked my phone and discovered it was after 1.30pm - we finally parted company and started shopping after 2.30pm. Leaving and walking past Woolies Cafe we saw Ian and his Mom, Polly so popped in to say hello and of course chairs had to be brought and more coffees drunk - it was good to see Ian and Polly. I was finally home just before 5pm - it was quite a day of so much conversation and great reunions. All I was fit to do that evening was resemble a couch potato and watch mindless tv.
Saturday morning I took myself off to my EDA meeting. "What is EDA and why do I attend?" are questions I can hear you asking. EDA stands for Eating Disorders Anonymous and I attend this support group, a finally at the age of 58, I am eventually trying to deal with the fact that I have, for far too many years of my life eaten my emotions always eating the most unhealthiest foods whilst trying to eat away those emotions. I have hidden behind the labels of "comfort eating" and "I eat my emotions" without dealing with the why and how, but I am now starting to delve and dig down through the layers to find the answers, face the facts and the reasons why, striving to start to heal and to embrace healthier ways to cope with all the emotions and feel them without resorting to trying to eat them away.
My emotions coping with the death of Jack and also the news of the loss of a colleague and friend caught up with me by late Saturday afternoon and I was a wet sobbing mess capable of doing nothing. My arm and shoulder were also throbbing as I had tripped over the hosepipe whilst watering my winter dry garden and that pain coupled with bottling up my emotions erupted. Many many years ago when I worked at Deneys Reitz (which is now Norton Rose Fulbright where I work now) I got to know Charmaine E; our desks were close together and we became friends. A friendship which lasted after I had left Deneys Reitz but eventually we had drifted apart and became disconnected which does happen with the passage of time. We reconnected at Norton Rose Fulbright and we had plans to have lunch together on a day when we were both at the office. That did not happen because Charmaine was sick and the year rapidly rolled along. One afternoon Charmaine called me on teams and gave me the news that she had been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She had refused chemotherapy or radiation opting to be a present as possible for her children and grandchildren in the time she had left. She has always been such a strong character; her parents died young and she raised her younger sisters and when one of her children was 5, her husband died and I was always in awe of her strength of character. We saw each other at the office on 26 April and she bought a copy of my book which I inscribed with the words " I will continually strive to have the strength of character you have". It was to be the last time I saw her and hugged her - she worked on Friday, 9 June and died on Saturday, 10 June. I was so privileged to have known Charmaine and be able to call her my friend.
We are all affected by the brutal and cruel disease of cancer no matter your age, race, religion or social status. Today I learnt of the cancer diagnosis which the daughter of a friend has been given; and at the same time I am listening to a podcast, Scamanda, about a woman who "Back in 2012, just before Instagram usurped the blogosphere, a young woman called Amanda Riley blogged about her cancer journey after a Hodgkin’s lymphoma diagnosis. In this eight-part series, journalist Charlie Webster reveals how Riley went on to scam her community and solicit more than $100,000 in donations to help pay for treatments she never received." (https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2023/may/18/hear-here-scamanda-podcast) She is not alone in faking cancer for sympathy and to scam people out of their hard-earned cash. In the tv series "The Big Swindle" is another character who also fakes having cancer in order to elicit donations out of people to fund her lavish lifestyle. People who do this are absolute cretins with no moral compass, values, ethics let alone principles and what they do is beyond abhorrent.
Yesterday (Sunday 18 June) was Father's Day - a day I battle with as my beloved Dad passed away 16 years ago and Morgan and Tristan have no Dad. We try to do something different on this day - one year we did an Escape Room, for example, and yesterday we had a barbeque/braai at our house. It was a lovely day not only in terms of the weather, but in every sense. We were joined by my Mom, Morgan, Tristan, Lindy, Zen and Bruce, Tristan's friend and colleague. We thoroughly enjoyed hearing all about Morgan's visit to Dublin and hopefully a great time was had by all.
Tristan and Morgan - 18 June 2023
One of Morgan's photos from Dublin
Tomorrow its back to work for me something I am not motivated about and terrified at what occurred in my 2 days of leave; today as Johan was working I went to the library and treated myself to a visit to my favourite second hand/used bookshop at the Reea Foundation in Craighall Park. It was a brilliant day in terms of book finds as at the library I found Liam Callanan's book "Paris by the Book" which I swopped up with great glee as I have heard an excerpt of this book read on The Bittersweet Life Podcast and heard him interviewed twice, on the same podcast; and I know that his books are hard to find in South Africa. At the Reea Charity Bookshop I found 2 novels by Jess Walter, another author I discovered thanks to "The Bittersweet Life" and interviews on the podcast with him. I have also listened to "The Angel of Rome" on Audible and again know his books are hard to find in SA so I was thrilled to be able to buy the novels. A lot of what I planned to do this long weekend has not materialised but that is ok, I have accomplished a lot, seen incredible friends, spent quality time with my children, been able to be of support service for a parent in need and managed to write this blog!
Out and about, recommendations and referrals
7 Sins Hair Studio - https://7sins.co.za/
Boskruin Library
Reea Charity Bookshop - https://www.bookshop.reea.org.za/
Woolies Cafe, Woolworths Cresta
Pieter Toerien Theatre, Montecasino
Doppio Zero, Clearwater Mall
Foodlovers Market - Lifestyle Centre Randpark Ridge
What have I been reading/are reading?
Madam Burova by Ruth Hogan
What have I been watching on the small screen?
Pointless - BBC brilliant quiz show
My usual staple of "bubblegum" tv
Accused
The Big Swindle
Best Interests
What have I been listening to?
Podcasts:
The Damage Report
Mel Robbins Podcast
Something was Wrong
What came Next
Prosecuting Donald Trump
True Crime Daily
The Trial of Lucy Letby
Scamanda
Betrayal
The King Road Killings
Audible:
A Rosie Life in Italy by Rosie Mcleady
I'm Glad my Mom Died by Jenette McCurdy
Sales of "My Son Went to Rehab I Went to Rome - A Journey of Hope" continue progressing well. I am exploring opportunities to further market and sell copies of my book. And if you have read the book, please would you do me the honour of writing a review for the book's website and my author profile on Instagram. And if you are an Amazon client, if you would follow Barbara Steyn author on Amazon that would be fabulous and if you purchased your copy via Amazon, please would you be so kind as to review the book there. For book sales in South Africa contact me directly and international sales on Amazon:
Tell your friends, family, colleagues, enemies about the book - my hope is that Tristan and my story will help at least one person.
Blessings, love and light to you all
Barbara